Why I’m Not Going to Worry Anymore…

It has been raining and storming here all night, and it’s still not done. The weather is kind of mirroring my mood.

Can I be honest? This is the first time I’m kind of looking forward for this holiday season — and this year — to be over.

This holiday season somehow whizzed by me without me being able to really enjoy it. It seemed so much shorter.

We put up the Christmas tree, we saw the tree lighting in town, and we made sugar cookies once. But I still have so much to do before Santa appears.

Right after posting this I need to make a giant clock cookie for L’s class, go to his end-of-the-year celebration, wrap gifts, write and send off 40+ holiday cards, write some invoices…

It’s the 21st and I don’t have gifts for Don and L yet. Well, I have a few for L, but not the ones that he asked for from Santa, so this elf needs to brave Toys R Us soon to get those particular Playmobil and Lego toys.

My blog redesign is almost done, but still not there yet. I keep getting sidetracked by all the other things that are going on. My candle business, paperwork, bills. The lamp in the living room broke and needs to be replaced, and I’ve been driving my car with a broken seat belt — the lock is stuck so I can only put the upper part around my shoulders. That obviously needs to get fixed pronto.

I’m lamenting not having really been able to enjoy this holiday season more, but I also know how blessed I am. The tragedy in Newtown changed me, how I think about things.

Now when I find myself worrying about my little reluctant reader I very quickly remember how fortunate I am to have this amazing little boy, and that those worries don’t get me anywhere. It’s kind of pointless to worry.

In the big picture, these things won’t matter in a year or two, when he will read just like his classmates. It’s such small potatoes. What matters is that he’s enjoying school and happy and healthy.

I often look at his smiling face and just want to freeze time. He is such a joy, my one and only, my heart. I wish he knew how much he fills me with love.

I won’t worry about things anymore that don’t matter is a week or a year from now.

I can’t wait for 2018. So much to do, so much to experience, so little time.

My only resolution for 2018 is to slow down, to take it all in more.

What’s yours?

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